Blessings Great and Small

So, we can't have any more children. We started trying two years ago. Had another miscarriage a year and a half ago and since then have just not been able to get pregnant at all.

We tried fertility drugs and finally saw a specialist who said if we were willing to try IVF it would give us a 45% chance of becoming pregnant. We don't know exactly why. Could be my age, or the fact that I started my cycle pretty early in life (I could just be out of eggs!) who knows. I could have spent a lot of time and energy (and money) and we still may never have known.

I thought I would be really crushed and maybe I was a little, but really I'm just grateful. Grateful for the wonderful children I have. Grateful for my sweet daughter, who is the love of my life. Grateful for my awesome boys, who have taught me so much about love. Grateful that I get to be a mom, which has got to be the single greatest job on the planet!!

My children are a blessing. So many women never get to experience what so many other women take for granted everyday!

We had a lesson a while back in RS and the focus was supposed to be on being grateful but it ended up being a complain fest with the common theme being that happiness would come when their children had grown. I was irritated at these naive women and I felt sorry for them. When I think of all I have missed by being a working mother I just want to scream, and these women get to be there all day every day and can't wait for it to be over. How sad!

As I type this, my sweet daughter is riding her scooter around the house shouting "super girl to the rescue". My children do so many things that make me want to smile or laugh or shout or even cry, but I don't have to wait until they are grown and gone to be happy. I am happy every day and life is good!!

Same Sh** different year

I didn't get the job I wanted. I knew I didn't interview well (I was sooo stressed that I froze) and I was not really even qualified for it, but I was hoping all the praying would even the odds.

I keep applying for everything I see for Damon and praying that he gets something better. I am now totally convinced that no one reads this blog, but I guess just the act of writing can be therapeutic.

I did find out that my medication is only about $30 a month even without insurance, so I guess that's good news, especially since my insurance ends in two weeks. I think I'm going to go get a physical or something just to be on the safe side. I rarely go to the Dr. when I am sick so it would just be major things (like my thyroid) anyway.

So I am going to try to get Shiloh stared in private school when she turns 3. I figure if she has to be in some sort of day care it might as well be one that teaches her something. She's so dang smart, they'd be lucky to have her. So wish me luck!