Unwell

Have you heard that song from Matchbox 20 where he says "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell"? I think I know how he feels.

It has now been over a month since Damons "procedure" and while I can logically deduce that if we hadn't got pregnant in the last two years of trying (not even aided by fertility drugs) then we're not getting pregnant at all, it still stings.

I have almost convinced myself it's for the best and I really am so grateful for the children I have (My sweet daughter upon seeing me crying said "don't cry Mommy, your my best friend"). I just see pregnant women everywhere ( I really need to get out of Utah!!) and I still have that nagging feeling that I wasn't done yet. Just goes to show you can't always trust your intuition!

I tried to tell Damon how I was feeling and he took that to mean that he shouldn't have had his procedure. So I got upset that he wasn't getting it and he got upset that I was upset. Just because I know that I am too old to keep trying and just because we made a mutual decision to stop trying in a big way, doesn't mean I am not allowed to feel the loss!

If there are any men reading this (spoiler alert) you can't fix everything and sometimes the only thing to be done is to hold your wife and let her cry!!!