The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I so love Christmas! I love that I get to give my kids everything they want for Christmas without it meaning that I am spoiling them. My kids all loved what they got from Santa and from us and that makes me happy. I love getting gifts for the people I love and watching their faces when they open it. I love having time off with my kids when I'm not running around like crazy.

We tracked Santa on the Norad (I think that's it)  website and it was so fun. Shiloh keep asking where Santa was  and when he would get to Utah. I actually got her to sit on Santa s lap this year..though she sworn she would not..she spent a good fifteen minutes preparing me for the fact that she would not sit on his lap! Next thing I know she's sitting on his lap and afterward I asked her why she changed her mind and she said that Santa is a "great big bundle of joy". Love it!!

Most of all I love remembering the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! I love the nativity story but I get a little annoyed when people say that the innkeeper would have regretted his actions if he had only known. The Inn was full! Would turning out someone else to allow Mary a room make him a good guy? Anyway...our anniversary is the 17th of December and this year we actually got to go on a little trip to celebrate (thanks to my very wonderful friend) and we took a train to Grand Junction, Colorado. Damon had never been on train and very much wanted to try it.

                      As you can see he loved it..haha.. It was an early departure :)

                                          This is the sunrise from the train

                                          This is the Colorado River

 

                                           Also the Colorado River

Damon and I visited the Colorado Monument while we were there and it's really beautiful. I want go back and take the kids

Very fun trip but the train ride felt really long and I was very ready to be home by the end.

Fall Fun

I haven't written is a while...mostly because I have been crazy busy..but I had to give a shout out to Fall. I seriously love this time of year. Halloween is truly one of my favorite holidays!! Name any other day when it is, not only acceptable, but encouraged to ask total strangers for candy!! Love it..and I love seeing all the costumes as the children run from house to house!!

I remember the first year Shiloh was able trick or treated without having to be carried and she had to practically be dragged to the first house. She was very apprehensive and did not want to ring the bell or even say "Trick or Treat". Then this very nice guy opened the door, commented on how cute she looked, and gave her a handful of candy. She came running out to me to show off her prize then ran to the next house, rang the bell, and yelled "Trick or Treat' before her brothers even made it up the drive. She has been a die hard trick or treater ever since.

I also love the changing colors of the fall. We went up the canyon a few weeks ago but was unable to get any pictures because everyone else in Utah also chose that day!! I don't think I have ever seen so many cars in that canyon. I love the coolness of the weather, though I know snow can't be far behind, and Thanksgiving of course! All in all Fall is a great time for changes and possibilities!! Enjoy it!!

Boating

       Our friends took us boating on Tuesday and it was sooo much fun!

                    Damon did really well on the knee board and the wake board

               Look their not trying got kill each other...it's a boating miracle

  Shiloh and her future husband! I asked her one day if she would live with me forever and she said yes...I said even when you get married you and your husband will move in..she said "Yes...Luke and I will live with you" So cute!

Dave and Damon

                        Of course she had to pose for me

                      Erin and my best friend Tate!! He's such a sweetie!!

We sure love spending time with our friends..they are seriously some of our favorite people.

Changes

We found an apartment in Pleasant Grove. It is a town home and much bigger than any of the other apartments we saw (which doesn't mean that it's big..just bigger than the rest) still half of my stuff ended up in storage. I was expecting that since we lost over 500 square feet and a garage in the move!! At least we have a good landlord who will take care of anything we need to have fixed, so that is a blessing.

I have been wondering lately about family. I am trying to instill in my children a sense of family but I am beginning to wonder why I bother. I know that sounds awful but I feel like it's just not that important to my "family" and maybe it shouldn't be important to me. I sent birthday cards to all of my nieces and nephews last year and the only contact I got was when I forgot one. Every time I have a get together I can count on the people who show up being 98% friends (Damon's family shows up even less than mine..his one niece has come twice in the entire time we have been together..the rest of his family has not even come that many times) yet I go to every thing I possibly can that I am invited to! I try not to let it bother me, but it does. Oh well..If I have learned anything in my 38 years on this planet it's that you cannot make someone else want something, do something, or feel something just because that's what you want.

Homeless?

So our lease is up July 31st and we still have no place to go. I also have a monster paper due the same day. So I have less than six days to find a place, pack all my stuff, move my whole family, write my paper and do all my regular homework! Oh and I still have to work and our department is moving this week too. So I'm a little bit overwhelmed at the moment! (Did I mention that I am not getting as much financial aid as I usually do so I don't really even have enough money to move)

So wish me luck that I make it through this week with my sanity intact!

Summer fun

I haven't blogged in a while so I have a lot of catching up to do.

I took Damon and the kids to the Bear River Lodge for Fathers Day. It was super fun (after I got over their ridiculous policy with regard to the ATV's)

Then we had the ward camp out at the end of that week. Also fun, even though we had to leave early to catch a movie. Ian volunteers at the Scera so we get to see movies for free but they are always at weird hours (like 9am) but since it's free, can't really complain!!

I am both excited and super freaked to start school again on the 11th. I am taking twice my normal course load so I can still graduate in 2 years, so that is an awful lot of thinking during summer!! I just want to be done!!

We are moving at the end of the month and I still have no idea where to!

We had kind of a boring 4th. I wanted to have a BBQ but after Damon got home from work he just wanted to eat so he called his dad and asked if we could go out for his birthday. He said yes but then canceled so we ended up eating Sonic for the 4th and sneaking fireworks in between bouts of rain. Not a great way to celebrate but at least we were all together!

I built a desk over the weekend (I'll post pics when it's painted) and it felt really good to be building again. I'm not really building much these days because I don't know where we are going (so I don't know how much room we'll have) and, of course, the cost of supplies.

That's all I can think of right now, but I promise not to go so long again!

Faith...trust....and pixie dust

I have been working really hard on increasing my faith. It may seem like a simple thing (and maybe for some it is) but for me it is a struggle. I always try to do everything myself and when I have no other options then I will ask for help. I really need to change that around and ask for help first. What is that saying? Pray like it's all up to God then work like it's all up to you! Something like that..oh well..it's a process..I'm getting there (I think :)

So I have decided to change my concentration to school counselor instead of mental health counselor. I feel it is a better fit for me over all. I will have the same schedule as my kids. Higher pay better job security..great benefits..plus I will be able to have my student loans forgiven after 10 years (sounds like a long time but really it will save me about $50,000. I am really excited about the change (it's not official yet because I have to actually apply to the program but see no reason why I wouldn't be accepted) and can't wait to be finished.

I have also decided that I am not going to get my PHD. I trust that I will be happy as a school counselor and I know I will be happy to be done with school!!! It has been fun and interesting but I really just want to be done now. Damon is very much looking forward to a summer off and I am just hoping he does well in all of his classes so he can maintain his GPA. He is discouraged because it's not much fun at this stage of his education but the time is going to pass either way..he might as well be better off and the end of four years rather than were he is now..right?

We leave in 18 days for our family vacation to Disneyland. I am beyond excited (even though I have two monster papers to get done before I go). We have never gone in May before and I hope all that I have been reading is spot on and it's a great time to go. I'll let you know..and of course I'll take lots of pictures.

Truth and Consequences

So as some of you already know I get to have a hysterectomy pretty soon. I have decided to use this experience as my wake up call. So here's the truth. After we were told we needed to have invetro to have another baby I was crushed! I really didn't know what to think. Being able to have a baby is so much a part of being a women and I define myself as a mother, so having that taken away was the most painful thing I have ever been through. (I know their are women much worse off than I...those who have never known motherhood and my heart aches for them but I am taking about having something and then having it taken away with no reason or cause)

So, Damon and I talked about him having a vasectomy, mostly because we didn't want my fertility to freakishly return when I was 45, but I know in some part of me it was also because I wanted someone else to blame. If he was fixed then it was no longer me that was keeping us from having another baby. But hope can be cruel and crippling and instead of hoping that I could be ok to get pregnant, as I had before his procedure, I found myself hoping that it failed!!

SO every month has been like every month before it. I hope and pray that by some miracle (and that is what it would literally take) that I would get pregnant. I wanted to end the vicious cycle of hope but instead I made it more difficult to bear.

Here's the consequence. Since I found out I have to have this surgery I have been evaluating my life and I realize it's kind of on hold. I have spent so much energy hating myself for my apparent failings as a mother (and a women) that I have actually been increasing my shortcomings. I have an amazing family, just the way it is, and I need to appreciate what I have more than I have been. I need to channel all of my energy into something positive...like all of the wonderful reasons I have for working on my weight-loss goals...and building furniture (which calms my soul)...and finishing school...and of course being the best mom I can to the wonderful children that I do have!

Back to normal?

Well my first surgery went very well and I can already see a lot better than I have in some time. My second one was scheduled for tomorrow but the doc wants to do the laser treatment on the right eye before he does the next cataracts surgery. So I will be having laser surgery tomorrow and my other cataracts surgery on March 7th. I will still be returning to work on March 1st, but I will only be working 15 or so hours a week for a while at least.

I can believe how fast it has gone. I am really going to miss being home with my children. It has been so wonderful!! I thought this was going to be one of my worst trials (and financially it has been REALLY tough) but I have come to see it as a blessing. I would not have been able to be home for this time if I hadn't been forced to. For that...I am grateful :)

Chicken

So I must admit, as excited as I am to have it over, I am totally freaked out about my surgery tomorrow!! I wasn't close to being this nervous before I had my knee surgery. There is just something about the thought of someone messing with my eyes that gives me the creeps.

There is also a bunch of unknowns. Like how do they keep my eyeball from moving? Will I see the surgical instrument coming at my eye? I've been stressing all day! I know that does me no good but as hard as I try to not think about it...there it is.

On to happier thoughts...I have a new hobby! I have discovered that I like (and am even kind of good at) making furniture. I've made one dresser so far but have plans to make my own kitchen table and benches, lockers for the mudroom, pedestals for my washer and dryer, and a dress up station for Shiloh, just to name a few.

For the first time in years I actually know what I want for Christmas...a compound miter saw with stand! Wow I didn't see that coming! Who would have thought I would like to make furniture? I'll post a pic of the dresser and you can tell me what you think (maybe I'm not as good at it as I think..be honest) Either way, I am having lots of fun and have no plans to stop.

I am off of school until April so I hope I can get several pieces done in that time. It depends on if I can find reasonably priced wood and the weather and all kinds of things. I am grateful to my good friend for sharing the DIY website with me because it's not something I would have thought about on my own.

Good News...and Bad

Well I met with the surgeon last Thursday and my surgeries are scheduled for February 7th and 21st. No they can't just do them both at the same time...believe me..I asked!

I should be able to get help with a lot of the cost of the surgeries (I haven't heard back for sure yet but I am hopeful) but the lenses I need are almost never covered. So I will still have to pay $1700 an eye. But considering the cost of the surgery is $3600 plus the $1700 for the lens, I guess only having to come up with $1700 is still good news. I have to have it paid by the day of the surgeries though which presents a whole new problem!

But as I have had to zoom in on this page 4 times now I am determined to find a solution somewhere! Wish me luck or pray for me (which ever one you do).

It's kind of funny...not funny haha but funny ironic. I have been telling Damon for a while now that I would like to be able to just stay home with the kids and not work or go to school. Well I have to take this quarter off of school because I can't read the text book and I have cut down on my work schedule and will not work at all in February so that I can recover. So I got what I wanted!! in a very warped, twisted, ironic kind of way!! Be careful what you wish for!!!

Quick update

So I may have found a way to pay for my surgery...I'll keep you posted!!

Oh and Happy New Year!!

I started a weight loss blog. I am hoping that being accountable to my blog will help keep me motivated. If you want to check it out it's in my "blogs I follow" list. It's the first one.