Summer's Over

With all the fighting and drama that goes along with having two boys together all summer long, I never thought I would miss them when they went back to school; but I do.

I have been working more hours because I'm not only doing my work, but my coworkers as well, so I have been missing Shiloh a lot too.

I applied for a full time position at my work because the benefits are really great, but I'm not sure I want to be away from my kids for so long.

It's kind of funny because when I was a teenager, I didn't even want to be a mom; now it's all I want.

So I went and saw a fitness guy today and he gave me some really good suggestions. He's the guy my friend goes to (and she has lost 30 lbs of fat). So I'm kind of excited to get started and kind of terrified too.

I just don't want to fail. I expect so much from myself in everything I do. I have a really hard time accepting anything but the best from myself and those around me. I really need to let some of that go. I read a quote from Michael J Fox that said " I'm careful not to confuse excellence with perfection..excellence I can strive for..perfection is Gods department"

I need to remember that as I begin this journey. So far all I can think about is what I'll have to give up. I need to focus on what I'll gain-pun intended :)

What I've learned

I've been thinking a lot about parenting lately. I'm trying to decide if I should quit school for a while and just work so I'm not pulled in so many different directions while I'm home. So that got me thinking about parenting in general, and there are a few things I've learned in my almost sixteen years as a mother.

You cannot control you childs behavior; you can only control your reaction to it.
If you have to choose between playing a game with your kids or doing the dishes; the dishes can wait.
Only make promises you can keep.
Every birthday is a celebration.
Apologize to your kids when you've done something wrong.
Whatever they've broken is just a thing...don't break their heart because of it.
Always say I love you when you say goodbye.
Everyday is a gift...treat it as such because you'll never get it back.
Very few things require yelling and even less require spanking.
Love unconditionally...it really is the only way to love.
And finally...when you feel like you have no idea what your doing and you think that your kid will probably need therapy someday...relax!! No one knows what they're doing (and therapy is not so bad :)

I have a confession to make. I thought that simply getting on the medication for my ridiculously inactive thyroid would be enough to return me to my former, thinner self.

I have lost 25 pounds, but that leaves 135 to go, and so far it's not going. I don't really eat that badly, I love my chocolate who doesn't, but I seem to be a little stuck. I can barely walk sometimes, let alone exercise, but I have to do something.

It's not even that I want to be sexy or be able to shop for clothes at regular stores that don't have to word "plus" in their name, it's that I have a daughter. I would hate for her to think that this is normal. I would hate for her to have issues about her body, like I do about mine. I want to be a role model to her, not an embarrassment.

I have a friend who is doing a weight loss program and she's lost 30 pounds so far (and I'm sure a bunch of inches because she looks like she's lost more than 30) and I am so happy for her and so insanely jealous at the same time. Sad huh?

The family is well. Shiloh is working on her colors. She can say her ABCs and count to ten in English and Spanish, so now we need to tackle colors and shapes.

Damon loves school and is tricking out all of the computers in the house. He tries to share it with me but honestly, I just want the stupid thing to work when I turn it on.

AJ is nervous about high school and Ian is just waiting for October when we go to Disneyland.

I'm still having mini nervous breakdowns trying to juggle work, school, and family but we do what we have to :)