Have you heard that song from Matchbox 20 where he says "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell"? I think I know how he feels.
It has now been over a month since Damons "procedure" and while I can logically deduce that if we hadn't got pregnant in the last two years of trying (not even aided by fertility drugs) then we're not getting pregnant at all, it still stings.
I have almost convinced myself it's for the best and I really am so grateful for the children I have (My sweet daughter upon seeing me crying said "don't cry Mommy, your my best friend"). I just see pregnant women everywhere ( I really need to get out of Utah!!) and I still have that nagging feeling that I wasn't done yet. Just goes to show you can't always trust your intuition!
I tried to tell Damon how I was feeling and he took that to mean that he shouldn't have had his procedure. So I got upset that he wasn't getting it and he got upset that I was upset. Just because I know that I am too old to keep trying and just because we made a mutual decision to stop trying in a big way, doesn't mean I am not allowed to feel the loss!
If there are any men reading this (spoiler alert) you can't fix everything and sometimes the only thing to be done is to hold your wife and let her cry!!!
I try to tell Brent that all the time. Most of the time when I vent I don't want anything fixed. I just want to get it out there. I want comfort and understanding, not solutions.
ReplyDeleteI'm sad for you but know that you will always be the best mom ever for the kids you've got. They are lucky to have you for a mom. And even if 3 is the final total, you will touch the lives of kids forever because of your instincts and intuition and because of the love that you so obviously have to give.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I can get so insecure, but I really do love them with all I am.
ReplyDeletePoor AJ, I was so young when I had him that we kind of grew up together. At least your sweet children get the benefit of being raised by a grown up ;)